The Ways I Learned to Survive

I used to think something was wrong with me.

Why did I shut down when things felt overwhelming?
Why did I scroll for hours instead of addressing what was bothering me?
Why did I distract myself when what I really needed was rest?

I told myself I lacked discipline.
That I was avoidant.
That I just needed to try harder.

But the truth?
I was coping.

I just didn’t know that’s what it was called.

There are stressors in my life I can’t control.
Loss. Change. Disappointment.
Moments that crack something open in me.

And then there are the stressors that come from inside.
The voice that says I should be doing more.
The fear that I’m falling behind.
The perfectionism that whispers, “You’re not enough yet.”

I used to think those were personality flaws.
But they’re stress responses.
And my body reacts the only way it knows how — with protection.

Sometimes I cope by taking action.
Making a list.
Having the hard conversation.
Reframing my thoughts.

Other times… I avoid.
I stay busy.
I numb out.
I tell myself I’ll deal with it later.

And for years, I judged myself for that.

But befriending myself has meant something radical.
It has meant asking, not “What is wrong with me?”
But, “What am I trying to protect?”

When I avoid something now, I ask gently, “What feels unsafe here?”
When I overwork, I ask, “What am I afraid will happen if I stop?”
When I distract myself, I ask, “What emotion am I not ready to sit with?”

And something softens.

Because I’m not broken.
I’m responding.

My coping mechanisms aren’t character flaws.
They’re survival strategies.
And survival strategies can evolve.

Some days, I cope actively.
Some days I avoid.
But now… I don’t abandon myself in the process.

I stay curious.
I stay compassionate.
I choose again.

Befriending myself doesn’t mean I never struggle.
It means I stop waging war on the ways I learned to survive.

And that changes everything.

If you’ve been judging yourself for how you cope — for shutting down, numbing out, overworking, or avoiding — let this be your reminder:

You were surviving the best way you knew how.

Inside the Self-Care Café Membership Experience, we gently explore the ways we cope without shame.

Through reflective stories, guided practices, and mindful tools, you’ll learn how to expand your coping toolkit while honoring the woman who carried you through.

You don’t have to fight yourself anymore.

Come sit with us at www.selfcarecafe.com .

There is a place for you here.